I’m Worried You All Genuinely Like Joe Exotic

I’m Worried You All Genuinely Like Joe Exotic

I did not make this, but it’s a Zoom background. Go mad.

Netflix recently released its newest addition to its collection of binge-worthy documentaries. I’m a fan of a good Netflix documentary and have written about some of the features offered on the streaming platform before. But this documentary was crazy.

Tiger King (2020) doesn’t give much away in its trailer and synopsis. I think we were all a little hoodwinked into thinking this would be a straightforward docuseries about animal cruelty and crazy Americans.

It gave us so much more than that. Trailer trash, larger-than-life characters, murder plots, missing husbands, sabotage conspiracies, and organised crime; these are just some topics covered in Tiger King (2020). Believe me when I say, it’s a rollercoaster of a watch, and it also introduces us to the iconic pop culture sensation that is Joe Exotic of G.W. Zoo.

This guy is so weird. You might think you have him figured out, but you really don’t. He’s got a mullet, an excess of tattoos, a handlebar moustache, and many guns. “Got it,” you might say. But he’s also an ex-cop and ran for President and Governor of Oklahoma in 2016 and 2018, respectively. “Okay.. I think I still have him figured,” haha nope. He’s also openly gay, has polyamorously married two men far too young for him, and been married 5 times altogether. The fact he has owned, bred, and traded tigers and lions at the former Garold Wayne Exotic Animal Memorial Park is probably the most boring thing about him.

In the documentary you also get to see him sing cheesy country songs that he doesn’t actually sing and be generally outrageous throughout. It’s fantastic telly, and Joe Exotic truly is the star of the show amongst a cast of other weirdos in the big cat trade that I’ve summarised for you below.

Alongside Joe Exotic is Bhagavan Doc Antle, owner of Myrtle Beach Safari and familiar in the exotic animal trading world with a cult-like following of young groomed girls in his arsenal. He also has long white hair in a ponytail to add insult to injury.

Joining them is Tim Stark, the no-nonsense zoo owner of Wildlife in Need with a tough love approach to his wild cats; Jeff Lowe, a gambling swinger pimping out tiger cubs to get laid even though he literally looks like Jigsaw; and Mario Tabraue, an ex-drug dealer who “sold cocaine to fuel my animal habit” in his own words.

There’s also the supposed villain of the piece, Carole Baskin of Big Cat Rescue. She claims her zoo is more of a rescue sanctuary and that she really does differ from all the others. She looks the part with her flowing blonde locks and tie-dye floaty tops. The hippy home-wrecker enjoys grassing up and apparently making life hell for all the other exotic animal enthusiasts. Oh, and she allegedly fed her millionaire husband to her tigers and cut his family out of his will.

Carole Fuckin’ Baskin. Image: WIKIPEDIA

Excuse me?!

That’s right. Honestly, with all the backstabbing and murder conspiracies you really forget that these people have exotic animals as pets the further you get into the documentary.

It’s a slow burning film, be ready for that going in. The first episode or two might not grab you, but once it kicks off it really kicks off. Per usual Netflix fare, it’s visually pleasing and sheds light on people within an industry you probably had no idea about before.

We also have Netflix’s typical hero vs villain approach between the main characters. As I’ve said before, we have a hero in Joe Exotic. Free Joe Exotic petitions have gone wild since the documentary’s release, and President Donald Trump himself is considering pardoning him.

We also have villains. But I’m here to tell you, it’s not Carole Baskin. I’m here to tell you, despite Joe Exotic’s popularity, they are all fucking terrible people.

My support in this article for Carole Baskin is not an attempt to exonerate Carole Baskin. But if you seriously watch this documentary and believe she is the worst out of the lot of them, you have a problem.

I believe most of the hate Carole gets is because she doesn’t behave the way a typical victim acts (according to society anyway). She is also incredibly annoying, hypocritical and deluded.

Don’t get me wrong; Carole is not the good guy. At her most low-key level, she was complicit in stealing a married man away from his wife and screwing their kids out of their rightful inheritance. I can’t say for certain if I believe she really did feed him to her tigers. Dodgy, manipulative practices and a seemingly disingenuous love between her and Don Lewis tick some boxes, but I’m not sure she is ruthless or calculating enough to organise a murder.

Not in the way Joe Exotic is.

I do not understand how you can like Joe Exotic but hate Carole Baskin if it is down to what they are each accused of. It’s possible that Carole did murder her husband Don Lewis, but if she did, she got away with it. Joe tried to murder Carole and didn’t get away with it! Say what you like about how he wasn’t really going to kill her, but there is a wealth of videos he made where he threatens to do just that, and encourages others to threaten and abuse her on his behalf. That ain’t right!

Joe Exotic is a psychopath.

Mullet mugshot. Image: WIKIPEDIA

Joe Exotic cons his family out of money, throws anyone under the bus if he feels he’ll get more fame and fortune from it, and shows himself to be manipulative and predatory when it comes to relationships.

The Netflix documentary features interviews with some of his previous husbands. The first we meet, John Finlay, is the sweetest guy who reveals he actually isn’t gay and has never considered himself gay. He also wants you to know he doesn’t look like that anymore and that he has teeth. The second husband we meet (SPOILER) shoots himself.

John Finlay, recounts how he was a struggling meth addict fresh out of high school when he met Joe, and we can conclude from this and other truths told by John that Joe Exotic is actually a predatory groomer who preys on vulnerable, straight men, with considerable years lacking in age and life experience. Joe Exotic keeps this pattern going with the latter husband mentioned above, Travis Maldonado, who was only 23 years old and struggling with drug abuse when he accidentally killed himself in 2017.

To rub salt in the Joe-Exotic-sucks wound, during Travis’ funeral, we see Joe Exotic talk disrespectfully and seedily about Travis in front of his grieving mother, referring to her son’s balls for way longer than necessary. Ms Maldonado reveals in her own interviews that she did not approve of or trust Joe with her son and you can’t help but feel sorry for her as she tearfully expresses her regret at not intervening in the relationship.

But yeah, Carole Baskin is the bad guy.

In society and culture, we like having clear cut roles for people. We like having defined villains and defined heroes. Tiger King (2020) takes that societal expectation and throws it out the window. Everyone in Netflix’s Tiger King (2020) is a villain; including Joe Exotic.

Do you think I’ve got it wrong? If you reckon Joe Exotic is innocent, comment down below. Let me know what you think!

Gaga, Swift, Beyoncé; Whose Netflix Documentary Takes Home the Prize?

Gaga, Swift, Beyoncé; Whose Netflix Documentary Takes Home the Prize?

Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift and Beyoncé IMAGE: Netflix

These past couple of weeks during a bout of insomnia, I decided to watch all three Netflix features of the pop giants pictured above. Lady Gaga’s film Gaga: Five Foot Two (2017) shows the soft underbelly of the events coinciding with the star’s fifth album Joanne and her performance at the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Taylor Swift’s Miss Americana (2020) is a little mini biopic and behind-the-scenes feature focusing on Swift’s public image and personal struggles over the years of her success. Beyoncé finishes the lineup with a bang in Homecoming (2019) which intertwines footage of her Coachella 2018 headlining performance alongside the months of production that went into the show.

I’m going to go through each one, let you know my oh-so important opinion about them all and give you my final thoughts a la Jeffree Star after we’ve gone through the pros and cons together. These are three deities of pop music and pop culture each in their own completely unique ways. Right off the bat, I want to say before I watched these, I liked Lady Gaga the most, Taylor Swift next, then Beyoncé the least. I actively disliked Beyoncé actually, mostly due to the Jonestown style following she has amassed online that compels me to admit she is superior to all no matter what my own taste is. I also don’t really like R&B or hip-hop, so would this show be enough to change my views? Read on to find out…

Gaga: Five Foot Two, Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga still has my heart and probably always will IMAGE: Netflix

As I have said before, I love Gaga. Not so much to the point I would call myself a Little Monster, the name her fandom has bestowed upon themselves, but I enjoy her tunes, what she stands for, and how she comes across. This documentary offers a stripped down Lady Gaga rather than the avant-garde rock star we tend to see gracing the red carpets.

Directed by Chris Moukarbel, the technical work has been generally well received by critics. Leslie Felperin (The Hollywood Reporter) said the feature “is assembled with competence and style, with graceful editing by Greg Arata” and I do agree; the camera work is crisp, and the editing keeps you interested without getting too gimicky. Is that enough to save the lacking content though?

That’s right Little Monsters, I said it! As much as I loved seeing Gaga in my personal clothes goals and garnered a new found respect for her, the journey and desired message of the film was all over the place. One minute it was about Joanne. Then it was about her health problems. Then it was about the Super Bowl. Then it was about her personal life. Each of these topics were explored quite well and I did remain entertained for the whole 100 minutes, but I did frequently find myself asking “What’s the point in this film?”. Lady Gaga, aka Stefani Germanotta, is a relatively transparent celebrity. There was no big reveal about what she’s really like because I think we all know the score by now, we know what we can expect from her even underneath the dramatic costumes. The film also had the chance to thoroughly document the production process and aftermath of Joanne, or show some extensive preparation and exclusive footage of the Super Bowl show, but hopes of these were dashed the further into the film I got.

What I will say is the horrific scenes of Gaga’s fibromyalgia flare ups are eye-opening, both towards her as a person and the condition itself. On at least two occasions the camera documents Gaga bedridden with pain, sobbing as health professionals try to calm her furious muscles. A visit to her doctor also gives a glimpse into the cocktail of medications needed to try and tame the condition, and as Lady Gaga herself says, you really wonder how normal, everyday people can crack on with this horrible syndrome.

But as educational as some parts were, it didn’t save the whole film. Overall it was fine. It didn’t give me the narrative and production value of Homecoming, but it did offer a little more edge and substance than Miss Americana for my liking. Speaking of which…

Miss Americana, Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift wants you to know she’s deep IMAGE: Netflix

The documentary starts with what feels like is going to be a classic Netflix Set-Up-Mic/Drop-Mic intro; you know the ones on the true crime documentaries where some local’s voice-over sets up with, “Thang with Backwatertown is that nuttin’ ever happens here… errbody knows errbody…” – a drone camera is panning over Backwatertown, then BOOM -“Never wudda guessed we’d have a serial killuh here,” mic drop. Taylor sets up with an intimate and relatable monologue about how she has made her life choices dependent on pleasing people. She confesses the compulsive need to be liked and to be seen as a good person. She sets up even further by detailing her early success in her career which made her feel she had achieved her goals.

The mic doesn’t drop though. It makes the start of the film feel very much like a humblebrag from Taylor Swift, and it did take me about a third of the 86 minutes to realise this wouldn’t be a documentary where Swift rubs in being adored and successful to us peasants in the audience.

Produced by Tremolo Productions and directed by Lana Wilson, it’s another Netflix movie that is stylistically efficient. But like Gaga: Five Foot Two, the actual story is all over the place. What is this film actually about? The only answer I can really offer is ‘Taylor Swift’.

There is no definitive project, moment or message until the very last minute and it’s a pretty naive ‘purpose’ of making this documentary in my opinion. Taylor discusses a range of personal issues including her frequently discussed love life, her sexual assault legal battle, that Kanye West drama and body image issues she reveals she still battles with. But by far the most time-consuming issue discussed is Swift’s political voice. We see her muster the courage to approach and begin tearfully pleading with her father and a member of her management team to be allowed to… say stuff about politics.

That’s it. It’s well intentioned and I understand this is a young woman with no requirement to be politically informed, but it is just quite embarrassing to watch. She’s about 28-years-old when she sobs, “I need to be on the right side of history. … Dad, I need you to forgive me for doing it, because I’m doing it,” in regards to her decision to vocally disagree with Republican Senator, Marsha Blackburn.

It makes me physically cringe when grown women allow their daddies to still buy into this ‘My Little Girl Princess’ trope, and even aside from this, it feels like a reveal of a very white, privileged lifestyle, that Taylor has just discovered that oh em gee, did you like, know politics like, effects people?! It might be harsh to say because like I’ve stated, she is ambitious to make genuine, positive change and that is always a good thing; it just came off as a little naive and patronising to the viewer. I also couldn’t help but note that Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga only have 3 years between their ages, and yet from the get-go, Gaga has been outspoken politically and vocalised her opinions and allegiances whenever she liked. I guess Taylor didn’t get the memo.

On the flipside, this documentary does show how hands-on and astoundingly hardworking Taylor Swift is. We get to be a fly-on-the-wall in multiple recording sessions and I was truly blown away by the level of professionalism and production prowess the pop star demonstrates. If I’m honest, I would have loved a documentary solely dedicated to showing her creative process.

All in all, I thought this was a bit dull and self-involved. Taylor Swift comes across as sweet, hopeful, incredibly talented and just beginning to find her feet in terms of her independence. I can relate to her doubts and fears a hell of a lot, but like Lady Gaga’s feature, I found myself shrugging at the end, as though to say “Ehhhh” in that way Gru’s mother does in Despicable Me.

Homecoming, Beyoncé

Beyoncé honors black culture and heritage in Homecoming IMAGE: phillyvoice.com

Here’s the big one, freaks and geeks. Is Homecoming good enough to turn I, a well-known Beyoncé ‘hater’, a person who has ridiculed the obsession, a woman who has staunchly stood against the infatuation, into a disciple of the songstress?

Absolutely fucking yes.

Homecoming is so good. It’s beyond good. I went in with no loyalty or high hopes as well, so I can only imagine what a treat this must have been for lifelong members of the Beyhive (Beyoncé’s fandom, like of Gaga’s Little Monsters).

Where the other films failed, this one delivered; the topic is clear from the start, this is a feature about Beyoncé headlining Coachella and all the work that went into preparing for that show. We are treated to some personal snippets of her life, such as Beyoncé’s grueling regime to get back to performance-level fitness as well as what life is like for her as a mother and wife. There is a repeating motif of black pride throughout the documentary with beautifully inserted Maya Angelou voice-overs and a vast ensemble nodding to historically black colleges and universities (HBCUs as she states throughout the performance) in their performance and attire. I’m white and feel white people have had far too much of a voice when it comes to the discussion of race and pride throughout history, so all I will say is that those concepts I just mentioned among others make this performance feel historic and important. Find a POC writer if you want a more in depth analysis and explanation, and be sure to share and support their work.

Back to the gig. The performance side of the film is just sheer joy. It’s like you’ve stumbled upon the coolest, happiest party by accident, and the host is handing you a beer before bringing you in to dance.

In keeping with the homecoming theme, throughout the performance we’ve got bleachers, marching bands, baton twirlers, breakdancing, pom-pom boots, and of course the homecoming queen herself.

Considering this is her comeback after dipping out of music to raise her family, Beyoncé is on fire in this movie. She dances alongside her troupe like she never had the break. Her vocals are incredible as she demonstrates both range and technique flawlessly. The crowd is going absolutely mental each time the camera pans to them as Beyoncé sings fan favourites, medleys of her hits, and even brings Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams to the stage for a mini Destiny’s Child reunion.

Speaking of the camera, as if a powerful message and incredible performance wasn’t enough; Beyoncé wrote, produced and directed the movie as well! Ed Burke assists as co-director to achieve a genuinely interesting and beautiful piece of cinematography with this project and I must say if Beyoncé truly had as much of a hand in directing this as is implied, I can’t wait to see what she’ll do with that talent next.

Hands down, this was the best of the lot. It’s also the longest, clocking in at 137 minutes, but the flits between performance and preparation mean it doesn’t actually feel that long. I never thought I would rescind my views on Beyoncé, and though her music is still not necessarily to my taste, I have a new-found, well overdue respect for her and I can’t get Drunk in Love out of my head.

So I did basically just mash three reviews into one! But what I want to make clear as I’m wrapping up is that I will not be comparing these artists against each other as women; I am comparing the quality, the artistry, and the content of these films. In the past I have been all too eager to jump on a keyboard and say how I think total strangers “seem like a bitch”, or how “I read somewhere that they were fake and rude”. Enough is enough. Tabloid culture has made it normal to slag off human beings for qualities we as the slagger-offer don’t even know are truthful. I have no idea what these women are like as people. I know I liked Beyoncé’s film the best and I liked Miss Americana the least. I know I disagreed with some of the personal admissions of these starlets, but it doesn’t mean they should be ridiculed for it. I know it’s unrealistic to say you will support and love every single thing any person ever does, but I think if someone’s message isn’t actively damaging or harmful, shouldn’t you just agree to disagree?

I agree to disagree with Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga. I agree to agree with Beyoncé Knowles-Carter. Watch the documentaries for yourself, and let me know if you agree or disagree with me.

Ivy Asia, The Ivy, Manchester

Ivy Asia, The Ivy, Manchester

The ornate decor makes the place fit for a Bladerunner sequel.

You’re welcomed inside by a cheerful doorman fancifully adorned in St Patrick’s-esque green attire. Two immaculately presented concierges sit behind an enormous white marble desk and peppily catch your attention before you can wander around the three floors of the building without aim or agenda. Confirmation and instructions are given for our booking and we enter the ornate elevator behind us, satisfied that we are in for a treat.

This is The Ivy and it’s telling you how fancy it is.

The Ivy might not be everybody’s cup of tea. For me, it depends on what I want and what kind of day it is, but it’s my birthday and I want to be pampered and feel reet posh.

Situated in Spinningfields in between The John Rylands Library and 20 Stories, before you even get there you know it’s going to be pretty swanky. Spinningfields in Manchester has been likened to Canary Wharf in London and is steadily gaining a reputation for being an upmarket, glossy location to grab fanciful food and decadent cocktails. Glass buildings and financial brand names adorn the area and while initially you do enjoy the masquerade of being wealthy and white-collar, you can’t help but feel the needleprick of Manchester’s gentrification slowly piercing into your skin.

Spinningfields’ glow-up from slum to sanctum is perhaps an outdated point to make, seeing as the area Friedrich Engels once described as “ruinous and filthy districts, people whose occupations are thieving and prostitution” was described as such some 150 years ago. But anyone who frequents the city will be able to tell you Manchester is changing. It’s busier, it’s more expensive, it’s less friendly. I’m not enough of a local to tell you whether it’s a good or a bad thing, but there is a definite shift happening and time will tell if that shift prices out the born and bred people who call the city home.

But back to Ivy Asia.

We step out of the elevator onto the second floor. The decor is still ornate but with definite Asian nods and influences. We’ve come to the right place.

Another concierge pleasantly confirms our booking and shows us to a table, where a third staff member introduces herself as our server and hands us our menus. As much as all the staff have been lovely and efficient, I’m not sure so much interaction needs to be had, but I remind myself that if you want spoiling with luxury, there’s actually a lot of hand-holding involved.

The room is stunning. The eye-catching features are the luminous green tiles beckoning you with their lilypad lighting to keep stepping in, and the Japanese Kawara canopy built in over the bar that gives another clear signal as to what to expect from the menu. The tables have that kind of gold brass finish that we see in a lot of industrial decorated places these days, but it fits with the theme and prevents the floral prints on the soft furnishings looking too ‘grandma’.

Ethereal green tiles cover the entire restaurant floor.

Our server comes back, takes a drink order for two Asahis, and explains how the menu works. I personally like it when an eaterie does this because there is nothing more upsetting than ordering what you think is a main meal only for it to be a sharing plate that will leave you hungry. Likewise, I’ve ordered in places where supposedly snacky dishes have arrived by the mountainful and regretted ordering more than one plate.

She describes the menu as ‘Asian tapas’ which I can totally get behind. The cuisine is described as Asian fusion as there’s a lot of influences from all over the continent in the flavours and ingredients, so I accept the lack of ‘dim sum’ used in the description she gave.

We order the Buttermilk Fried Chicken & Kimchi Mayonnaise, Fried Chicken Gyoza & Truffle Soy, Crispy Duck Bao with Hoisin & Five Spice, Scallops & Sticky Barbecue Pork Belly, Slow Cooked Pork Belly & Asian Barbecue Sauce, and Kimchi Egg Fried Rice (gasps for breath).

There are other things on the menu I would have loved to try including some sashimi dishes and an avocado tofu dish, but my partner hates fish so I had to sacrifice my happiness for his as usual. Plus we agreed I could have all the scallops and he could have all the pork belly as a compromise.

The server confirmed our order back to us and said it would arrive as it was cooked, which again I personally like. For a Thursday evening there was a pleasant buzz and it even got relatively busy when a larger, louder party made full use of the bar, but it was a noise level you can cope with and enough people around to prevent the place feeling cold.

First dishes to arrive were the gyoza and the baos. They both came in one ‘level’ of a bento box and looked good enough to eat… so we did. The gyoza was deep fried and pleasantly crisp, and though my partner enjoyed them massively, I felt they were too big. I’m used to gyoza being small but numerous in a portion, but these were about the same size as the baos and you had about five in the one portion. They tasted good but not particularly better than gyoza I’ve had before, and I’d consider this a safe, filling dish if you don’t know where to start.

The baos on the other hand were amazing. I love baos and I love crispy duck, so it was never not going to work out. There was a bit of a kick from the marinade and some chopped chilies sprinkled on top, but not so much as to overwhelm the rich sticky sauce the duck was coated in. The duck itself was indeed crispy but not tough, and the little pot of fragrant sauce with the fresh salad in the bao married together with it wonderfully.

About halfway through these dishes the buttermilk fried chicken came. I personally wouldn’t have ordered this, I never have high hopes for fried chicken and hate negotiating bones. But the chicken was cut into little manageable cubes and lightly coated in a well-seasoned batter so I was pleasantly surprised. The mayonnaise was another thing entirely…

It was fucking amazing. Kimchi mayonnaise, a little sweet, a little spicy, a little sour, smooth and creamy as you like and one hundred per cent addictive. I’m been very ‘meh’ about kimchi on its own in my experience and have only had the odd dish with kimchi as a noticeable ingredient, but what I would do to get my hands on this sauce again is nothing short of criminal.

It looks a little dubious. With it’s unassuming bright orange liquid form, you could think it’s some sort of American plastic cheese concoction, but I promise you it is nothing short of incredible.

While I was holding back the tears about how amazing this sauce was, our final dishes came. I could have done without the fried rice and it didn’t get finished, but my partner loves a side dish more than I do. It had quite a kick to it that caught the back of my throat once or twice, so if you are expecting Chinese-chippy egg fried rice I wouldn’t order this. The rice itself was more akin to a sticky rice texture but that was most likely the kimchi binding everything together.

My scallops looked perfectly done and had a little orange sauce (KIMCHI MAYONNAISE?! I HOPE SO!) dropped underneath each one of them. In between the three scallops there was a couple of cubes of pork belly that smelled incredible and looked well coated in a dark sticky sauce. Some crispy looking ribbons adorned the plate and I got stuck in.

Oh my god, this pork belly is utterly amazing. It falls off the little skewers it comes on and I confirmed the big portion of pork belly my partner had is just the same. The sauce is decadent and rich and goes well with the charred bits of meat you get with the crispy top of a pork belly portion. The scallops were really good and went very well with the pork, a surf ‘n’ turf combo that I would want to see on a menu again. The crispy ribbons didn’t add all that much to the dish if I had to be critical, but they were little shards of crackling… who doesn’t enjoy them?

We scarfed it all and sat back satisfied. This was a good meal, a very good meal. Service was quick, attentive (to a fault almost if you don’t like a fuss) and we were even treated to a little complimentary cheesecake type thing to wish us both a happy birthday (yes me and my boyfriend have the same birthday, do not get me started). The portions are perfect, save for the gyoza, so after our little birthday sweet we didn’t really feel we needed a dessert, however we did order some sake and a cocktail.

I absolutely do not know enough about sake to review it properly, it was my first time trying it and I thought it was fine, however upon a little research I’m not sure whether it was actually supposed to be served warm to us. I know it’s a popular way to finish a meal, warm sake, but this particular sake seemed to widely be advised as ideal at room temperature. But no harm, no foul, it was a cosy way to end a meal and I know I don’t hate sake now which was the end goal of that exploration anyway.

All in all, I would recommend Ivy Asia in Spinningfields. The chefs and servers are very competent, the dishes are different and delicious, and the price isn’t actually as painful as we thought. It was just under £150 including a service charge, and that was for all the dishes mentioned above, two beers each, two sakes, two cocktails and two freebie mini desserts.

I look forward to going back when a special occasion calls for it and trying out the rest of the menu as well as some of the more fanciful cocktails on offer. Until then I am more than content with my jacket potato from the local caff and going down the pub for a roast on a wintry Sunday for under a tenner.

Check out my other reviews on all things foodie and pop culture and let me know what you want me to review next!

Who the Hell Do You Think You Are?

Who the Hell Do You Think You Are?

On the odd chance somebody from outside my tiny Cheshire village finds and likes this writing blog, I suppose an introduction is in order.

I’m Sophie. I’m 26. I’m basically always cranky.

Honestly I’m just using the exact template WordPress already gave me. You may call it lazy, but I call it efficient, and I think that little exchange sums up like 75% of who I am as a person.

We’ll call this blog article an introduction, but depending on how you feel about it I might rename it a warning. WordPress has asked me, ‘Why do this?’

  • Because it gives new readers context. What am I about? Why should you read my blog?
  • Because it will help me focus my own ideas about my blog and what I’d like to do with it.

Quite honestly, I’m simply using this blog to flex my writing skills. I miss writing creatively and writing critically. It’s taken me until the age of 26 to start owning skills that people have been telling me I’ve had since I was about 2.

I want to write professionally. How realistic that is, we’ll find out as we go along, but finding my voice, practicing my craft and having a ramble about society, culture, and food online seems like a relatively harmless way to get started.

I’m also convinced it will save the people I love from having to let me know go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on…

Here’s some basics about me, but if you could also imagine me 5st lighter that would be great too:

  • I grew up in Holmes Chapel and now live in Stockport
  • My mum was Scottish and I absolutely milk the celtic roots of my heritage because of it
  • Dogs are my most favourite thing of all time I love them all
  • I am fat. Doesn’t affect my personality but if I need to put it on Tinder, I need to put it on here
  • I have two brothers, one older, one younger
  • Being the only girl and the middle child is just too much
  • My dad is essentially ‘off the grid’ and has no concept of modern pricing after being housebound for the best part of a decade
  • I have blue eyes and brown hair that is constantly getting bleached and dyed
  • My partner has the same birthday as me aside from the year
  • My ex-partner had the same birthday as Adolf Hitler. I have the same birthday as Eva Braun. That should have been a sign
  • I like certain pockets of every music genre, but I tend to lean towards the indie/rock side of things
  • I’ve seen all the films
  • I fucking hate lasagne

By no means do I think this is the best or necessarily the worst about me. Just stuff of note and things that have shaped me into who I am. It’s an amuse bouche of me I suppose, enough to show if I’ll provoke an attack from you or if I would amuse you.

Hopefully it’s enough to convince you to join me on this online journey. I didn’t enjoy writing that sentence, I felt like a very seedy old man who listens to prog-rock and has a wizard painted on his sketchy van.

But I’ve written it now, no turning back, we’re in this together, us against the world. Hot takes on societal expectations, articles with sociology and psychology themes. Critiques on Netflix dramas and documentaries. Fantasising about food and bragging about places I get to eat at.

God help us all.